Broken Frontier

As we all know, Hollywood loves a good underdog story… And no, I’m not talking about the recent big screen CGI-laden attempt at turning a talking dog into a movie star.  No, I’m referring to the little movies that could… Those low budget darlings of snooty critics that seem to rise up out of the ashes of the festival circuit to capture the hearts (and wallets) of audiences everywhere.  Examples would include Little Miss Sunshine, Swingers, and most recently, Juno.

But there’s something Hollywood loves even more than seeing the little guy make it.  Rehashing, retooling, and remaking everything and anything that was once a success in hopes of having lightening strike twice.  (That brings us back to the other Underdog.)

The last decade has seen a slew of remakes and retellings work their way into the multiplexes, whether they took the shape of horror classics like Dawn of the Dead and Halloween, or western shoot-em ups like 3:10 to Yuma.  Generally, at least in this writer’s opinion, nine times out of ten the new translations are not worth the revisit, and sometimes they’re downright insulting from start to finish. (Cough… The Fog… Cough).

Knowing that the powers that be (at the studio level especially) will never stop modifying past successes, I’ve decided to put together a brief list of projects I feel deserve the go around once again.  There’s a good chance that we’ll never see these come to light, and if I’m being honest, I’m surprised we ever did in the first place, but given the advances in filmmaking, I think they’re due for their comebacks.

Manimal

I know the majority of you out there would just assume lock this short-lived sci-fi series in a kennel and forget about it forever, but I happen to have fond memories of the Simon MacCorkindale-starer that centered on a college professor who could turn into animals and fight crime as a panther or falcon.  Considering what can be done these days with special effects, and taking into account how far dramatic storytelling has come since this first dropped in the early 80s, I think this is destined for a big screen adaptation.  Throw in Will Smith or Christian Bale in the lead role and can you say KA-CHING!

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

The original was meant to be fun and kitschy, but I STRONGLY believe that if done correctly, the Tomato franchise could be re-imagined as a serious horror tale about the dangers of genetic tweaking and pesticide usage.  Delivering a message of “going green”, the film would be filled with terrifying zombie moments like those we’ve come to love from the horror genre, only instead of flesh eating cadavers; the new threat is ripe produce that packs ketchup-sized punch.  It’s got blockbuster written all over it!

Monkey Shines

I just went back and re-watched this George A. Romero flick from 1988 a few weeks ago and I have to say, it actually holds up better than what I expected.  Creepy in that “please don’t kill me, monkey” sort of way, it has the potential of becoming a real classic if placed in the hands of better acting talent, not to mention with the benefit of nearly 20 years of technological advancements in moviemaking.  If this ever does go back in front of the camera, all I ask is that the filmmakers keep that kickass ending where the man finally overcomes the sadistic monkey using nothing but his mouth!

Night of the Comet

One of my favorite movies growing up, the post-apocalyptic comet thriller directed by Thom Eberhardt (who later went on to make Captain Ron, but that’s neither here nor there), is destined for a big 21st century update.  Think about it… it’s got it all.  Zombies.  Girls in cheerleading costumes.  And best of all… a population that turns into piles of red, organic dust.

The Gate

From what I know, it’s Stephen Dorff’s first movie, and I have to say, it’s probably his best.  Granted I haven’t seen it in about a dozen years, but from what I remember, this was one hell of an overplayed HBO flick that is cocked and loaded for a major retelling.  Besides, what better way is there to spend a few hours than watching a movie about a hole to hell that pint-sized demons climb out of?  I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of one.

Sadly when I started working on this list, I realized I had more suggestions than I had room for in one column, so look for more in the future!