Broken Frontier

Before I dig into the meat and potatoes of this week’s column, I’d like to spend just a few minutes discussing spoilers.  I’d hazard a guess that fifteen years ago, I never heard about spoilers unless you were talking about custom car bodies.  Nowadays, I cringe at the word.

If you’re like me, you hate spoilers.  You don’t want to know anything about a novel or movie or comic until you’ve read it for yourself.  You love those fleeting moments when something—a make-believe something, sure, but something nonetheless—is a mystery.  Time and time again, I’ve cautioned people who were getting ready to discuss a current book or film:

“I don’t want to know anything about it.  I don’t even want to know if you liked it or not.  It’s not that I don’t care about your opinion.  I just don’t care to hear it right now.”

If you are nothing like me, you rejoice in spoilers.  You can’t wait to ruin someone else’s fun by letting them know you saw (or read) it first.  To you, I have another message:

You.

Suck.

Aw, c’mon.  I’m kidding.  Some people really want to know the “big surprise” or the “twist ending” or the “ultimate secret.”  My guess is the suspense is just too much for them, and they’d rather have the peace of mind that comes with knowing no curveballs await.  For the person who loves to reveal spoilers, these folks are the loving audience, those who will look on in awe and gasp in shock as the sacred secrets are laid bare before them.

I’ve not really addressed spoilers up until this point.  I’ve revealed some plot points over the course of the column, sure, but most of the books I’ve been talking about have been at least fifteen years old.  If you haven’t read them by this point, you’re probably not going to.  If I’ve ruined anything for you, I’m sorry.  It wasn’t my intention.

(And, Chris, I’m really, really, really sorry about accidentally revealing the end of the season finale of The O.C.)

But this time around, I’ll be discussing more recent comics—Teen Titans #21, 22, and 23—which came out only a year ago.  These books have ties to Identity Crisis, as well, so I don’t want to ruin them for you.  If you haven’t read these books (and you’re planning on doing so) stop reading this column now!

Still with me?  If so, I’ll assume you’ve already read the aforementioned issues, plan on never reading them, or you’re the type of person who flips to the last page of a whodunit before you start a new mystery.  Either way, let’s talk about the Titans.

I’ve been a fan of the Teen Titans for many years and, as ridiculous as it sounds, I was first introduced to the team by Superman. 

Years ago, my dad took me to a birthday celebration for the comic shop Heroes Aren’t Hard to Find.  They ran special sales all day, raffled off comics and other prizes (I still have my Superman lapel pin), and barbequed hotdogs under a tent in the parking lot.  They also brought in this skinny guy dressed in a Superman outfit to work the crowd.

I was looking through some back issues of X-Men as “Superman” milled through the aisles. 

“Nobody better be shoplifting,” he warned, “or I’ll burn your butts with my heat vision!”

He walked up to me and said if I liked X-Men, I should give Teen Titans a try.  I took his advice.  After all, we’re talking about Superman!  I didn’t read many DC books, but I made my way to the Teen Titans back issues and pulled a few from the boxes.  Those George Perez covers hooked me, and I’ve been a fan of the Titans ever since.

So, of course, I love to see them get beaten up.

As I’ve said before, heroes are defined by their enemies and the adversity they face.  It’s no fun to see a hero who can easily defeat any foe or overcome any obstacle.  Reading about that from issue to issue would get real boring, real fast.  When my favorite heroes win the day, I want to know they worked for it … and I want to worry about them a little along the way.

In this case, Dr. Light delivered.

Dr. Light!  A character who barely deserves a back up story battle!  A character who was something of a joke.  Dare I say Dr. Light has been almost bullied by every goody-two-shoes in the DC universe?  But here he is, whooping up on the Titans over the course of three—count them, three!—issues.

I never cared much for Dr. Light.  Not only was he a bit a schmuck, he wears a dorky costume with a fin running across his head.  I’ve never been able to relate to a character sporting fin-like headgear.  Antennae?  Sure.  Winged helmets?  No problem.  But fins always seemed to be a ridiculous accessory.  There are a few exceptions, but most of the time a villain with a finned head looks a little like a Mighty Man and Monster Maker reject. 

But now Dr. Light has been awakened.  In Identity Crisis, we learn that the Justice League gave him a magical lobotomy that turned him into the cut-rate villain we’ve been reading about for so long.  When the spell was undone, all of his true power returned, right along with an uncontrollable rage.

So, he decides to hurt the Justice League by crushing the Teen Titans.

“You will suffer, Titans.  You will die.  And the Justice League will weep.”

He comes after them with all he’s got, and along the way, he kidnaps Green Arrow to watch the slaughter.  The Titans are caught off guard when they face their old foe, because his powers have increased drastically.

“This isn’t supposed to happen,” says Arsenal.  “Not with Doctor Light.”

“This isn’t the same Doctor Light,” says Robin.  “It is, but—”

And while the good doctor preaches away as he wipes the floor with the teenage heroes, his every action shows he means business.

“… There is something valuable inside you, Superboy,” he says as he looms over the near-unconscious Conner Kent.  “I can see it all around us, and weave it like a spider weaves his web.  Light.  Your heat vision, Superboy.  Let me see it.  Give it to me.”

He pulls the heat vision from Superboy’s eyes and carries it around like that mean kid on the dodge ball court, just looking to bean someone in the head.  Then, to make matters worse, when Wonder Girl tries to catch Dr. Light with her electrified magic lasso, the results are far from what she intended.

“It can’t hurt me,” Light says as he channels the magical energies away from the lasso.  “I can talk to lightning.  Even a god’s lightning is mine to command.”

Once Dr. Light has decimated the first wave of Titans, Starfire shows up on the battlefield—not just Starfire, but Nightwing and nearly every hero that’s ever been a Titan.

“You want the Titans?” Starfire asks.  “You’ve got them.”

“Well?” Light says, directing his gaze towards the former leader of the Titans.  “What are you waiting for, Nightwing?  I know you’re dying to say it.”

And Nightwing obliges:

“Titans together!”

Chills, baby.  I couldn’t wait for the next issue.

In the end, after giving and receiving plentiful beat-downs, the heroes triumph.  Even though Dr. Light has defeated more Teen Titans than you can shake a stick at, Cyborg activates some really cool I-hope-they-make-a-variant-action-figure solar shields and lays down the law.  But Dr. Light, beaten and bruised offers these final remarks:

“Everyone saw …  I already won …  I won.”

And he did win.  Did he destroy the Titans?  No, but he destroyed their idealized perception of the Justice League.  Their role models were no longer as high-and-mighty as the Titans once believed.

“Is it true?” Cyborg asks Green Arrow in the aftermath of the fight.  “Beast Boy used to be able to take down Light on his own.  This time it took two dozen Titans.  Light said the League turned him into an idiot.  That you lobotomized him.  Is it true?”

“Does it matter?” asks the Arrow.

A good, old-fashioned super brawl spread out over three issues, and every one of them a whole lot of fun.  Sure, it was “just a fight,” but it was well-scripted and well-paced, and the artwork was clean and easy to follow—everything a story arc needed to remind me of some of the simple joys of reading comics.   

I guess I have Superman to thank for hooking me on the Titans.

And a special thanks to old fin-head himself for giving those young whippersnappers what-for!

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Cullen Bunn's fiction has appeared in numerous magazines and anthologies. His comic series The Damned will be published by Oni Press in October 2006.  You can find out more about his work by visiting www.cullenbunn.com and more about The Damned at www.thedamnedcomic.com.