Broken Frontier

I know I haven’t written about comics in a bit. I strive to make this an all encompassing pop culture column every chance I get, and since I\\'m in a bit of a comic funk I’m going to talk about music again this week.

I’ve been going to punk shows for the better part of my life. My friends and I were those annoying kids that got dropped off in front of the venue by our parents and cheered whenever the band said the f-word. But as I grew up I began to glean an understanding for how these things work. There are many different kinds of people at the show. There are people who mosh and crowd surf (annoying), there are people who stand back and just watch (boring) and then there are the drunks (who make me full of hate!). I’ve pretty much always been one of the watchers. The difference between now and when I was younger, is when I was a teen I would force myself to the front of the crowd to watch the band. Now I’m content to find a quite corner to sit back and watch. I’ve taken enough sneakers to the face to know my place.

Before we get any further I think we should establish the difference between a show and a concert.

Concert: Giant performance by a band where most participants are seated. Concert venues include stadiums, fields, and other enormous open areas with room for a stage. When bands gain huge popularity and could sell enough seats to fill said area, this is the way to go.

Show: A performance by a band in a small venue which rarely includes seats. In most cases the fans can get very close to the stage if they so desire. These performers are typically more independent in nature and couldn’t fill a large arena.

(Definitions procured from J.P. Dorigo’s Dictionary of Useless Knowledge)

Friday night my wife and I went to see world famous Gogol Bordello. For those of you unfamiliar with Gogol Bordello, they’re a gypsy punk band that started in Brooklyn, but have members from all over the globe. The lead singer Eugene Hutz is also an actor that has appeared in several films, including Everything Is Illuminated. I discovered the band a few months ago and when I heard they were coming to town I knew I had to see them.

We got to the show early because I love catching the opening acts. The venue happened to have a seated balcony, so my wife and I made our way up there to find a seat. We managed to find a seat pretty close to the front of the balcony. The rail was very low, just above me knee, and whenever me or my wife stood up I was terrified one of us was going to fall off into the crowd.

As a kid in the crowd I barely had time to get a feel for the folks around me. You were mostly focusing on watching the band and trying to avoid getting kicked in the head. The person you’re pressed up against when the band starts will be on the other side of the room from you by the time the second song starts. Now that I find myself in a group of more static watchers you have to deal with the same folks for the duration of the show. This show was a perfect example of how this could go wrong.

Seated in front of us was a group of four people. I didn’t bother to introduce myself, so I had to piece together what was going on by eavesdropping and their body language. The seats in front of us were occupied by an older couple; I would say mid-50s. The woman was wearing a see-through black top with a black shirt underneath and her face looked more DMV clerk then punk show. In front of them were their son and his girlfriend. The son, who for the sake of conversation we’ll call Douche Bag, decided to spark up a cigarette even though there were no smoking signs everywhere and even a special smoker’s patio (for those who couldn’t possible go two hours without a cigarette). This four person group of hate and spite quickly became the bane of my existence. Father and son would pose together while mom took pictures (Dad making devil horns, Douche Bag flipping the bird). These people weren’t music fans, they were tourists.

Eventually Gogol Bordello took the stage. This was the first time I had seen them perform and they are quite a site to behold. Hutz is very animated and never in the same place.

I noticed Dad and Douch Bag got up and went downstairs to be in the crowd, no doubt to mosh and partake in other brute-like actions. Moments later Mom and the girlfriend were pointing down and laughing, having spotted their significant assheads in the crowd. Finally I would have some reprieve from half of them. The show went on with the two men coming and going, up and down. Three quarters into the show mom and dad spot douche bag in the crowd. He was wearing a white shirt and black painters cap. They point down and laugh at him as he starts to mosh in the pit. But I could tell from the balcony things were a bit uneasy for ol’ douchie. Another fan in the crowd was shouting at him and then douche bag shove the fan. The fan then punches d.b. in the face and as he goes down a group of four guys jump in and start waling on him. Mom and dad held their hands over their mouths in shock. Seconds later douche bag resurfaced, his hat missing, and headed out of the crowd. I was grinning from ear to ear.

The show went on. The band was amazing, as we expected. Our throats were sore from singing so loudly. Then the band leaves the stage. Before the encore had begun, dad had returned from the crowd bellow, now three sheets to the wind. The band came back and blew us all away. In the middle of the encore dad takes his shirt off and starts whipping it in the air like a lasso. He’s no doubt having the time of his life, remembering what it was like to go see the Eagles or Bon Jovi or whatever kind of crap my parents grew up listening to. Then in a sudden moment of stupidity he leans forward over the rail. He would have fallen into the crowd had his wife not grabbed him by his pants and yank him back into his seat. She tugged on his arm and shouted something in his ear (I couldn’t hear it, but I imagine it was something like, \\\\\\"I should have never married you you asshole! All you ever do is make be dress like girls 30 years younger and go to shows and ruin them for other people!\\\\\\"). That wasn’t enough to keep douche bag senior from being an ass. During a particular fast song he stands up and shakes out an entire bottle of water onto the crowd while shouting. An onlooker, who didn’t have to put up with his crap nearly as long as I did, actually came over and told him he couldn’t do stuff like that. He sat down and relaxed a bit, but before the encore was finished mom was good and pissed and pushed the four of them out.

I was so frustrated because this man was so intoxicated I thought he would surely fall to his death on several occasions and it would be my duty to save him. I hated him and his family for taking my attention away from the band so much. Don’t get me wrong, I had a really good time, and it was one of the best performances I had seen in a while, but I could have done without the family of dummies in front of us. It wasn’t until too late in the show that I had hoped the man would fall, rather then fear I would have to intervene.

Maybe it’s just my own fault for paying too much attention to other people? My wife barely even noticed what was going on right in front of us because she was watching the band. She had no idea douche bag had got his ass handed to him in the pit or his father had a brush with death.

Do the world a favor and try not to interfere with anyone else at the show. By all means, have a good time! Have a couple drinks, get drunk if that’s what you do, but don’t let your fun intrude on anyone else’s. We’re all there to enjoy the music. At least I hope that’s why we’re all there.

For those of you that are interested in Gogol Bordello, watch the video Wonderlust King, off of their new album Super Taranta!