Broken Frontier

All the comic message boards are all a flutter with one thing lately: Skrulls. Who is a Skrull, who isn’t a Skrull, who’s been acting ‘Skrully’, et cetera. Well I can’t see the future any more then you folks can. I have a couple theories who might be Skrulls, but who wants to make guesses any more?! I’m here to lay down the law for you nerd boys and nerd girls. Here’s who I think Marvel should make Skrulls and why.

Let’s start at the top: Tony Stark. Man, is that guy a jerk or what. I never really cared for Iron Man, but since the startup of New Avengers and then Civil War you can’t get rid of the guy! I mean, sure, he’s definitely more interesting then he sued to be, but he is the epitome of everything we should be against. He’s a billionaire AND he runs S.H.I.E.L.D. He’s like George W. Bush in a super suit! At least he uses some of his science for good. I think they should out him as a Skrull and then lock him up. Undo all the madness from Civil War and let things go back to normal a bit. Sadly, from reading both of the Avengers titles, I think it’s highly unlikely that Stark is a Skrull.

Another big reveal would be the Hulk. Let’s face it kids, colorists have a tough job. Can you imagine the difficulties of having to relearn how to color and existing character but now with green skin? The Hulk is already there! I think Marvel should give all the colorists a break and make the Hulk a Skrull.

The next Skrull up is Superman. Then maybe someone can write an interesting story for him for once.

It might be time to label Wolverine as a Skrull as well. I mean, the guy shows up in every Marvel comic as it is, they might as well give a good reason for him to. His pointy Skrull ears would hide nicely under that weird mask he wears.

I would also like to see it come out that Jessica Jones is a Skrull. If for no other reason because I would love to see how Luke Cage deals with that.

I think another huge development for the 616 would be if they revealed that Joe Quesada is a Skrull. He thinks he’s a big shot now after a couple appearances on The Colbert Report, but I remember a time when he was signing my comics in hobby shops in Connecticut and getting paid in meatball subs. Someone needs to take that guy down a notch, and a bumpy green chin is just the way to do it. (I’m just kidding Joe! I love you man! Please read my submissions!)

In a recent Marvel podcast, Jeff Suter and Jim McCann asked Stan Lee who he would make a Skrull to ensure Skrull victory if he was writing Secret Invasion. He said, "I would have a Skrull become Aunt May, because just when Spidey is about the save the world, because if I were writing the series it would all hinge on Spider-man at the very end, and just when Spidey is about the save the world she could say, ‘I’m dying! I need my medication immediately!’ and Spidey would have to forget the Skrulls, get her medicine, and goodbye human race!" How’s that for thinking outside the box? That is of course, unless Stan is a Skrull and he’s trying to throw us off the trail.

Granted Marvel won’t take any of my suggestions. If on the off chance I got any of these correct I give my word it was totally a guess, but I’m sure you all agree that none of my picks are likely (except for maybe Quesada. Kidding!). Like many of you I’m eagerly waiting to see what unfolds next month in the first issue. I think we’ll all agree this is a comic event not to be missed. Unless I’m a Skrull, in which case you can’t trust anything I say.