Broken Frontier

So...how many of you are in the "dog house"?

Let me be the first to say that I didn’t get a darn thing for Valentine’s Day. No flowers, no chocolate, nothing. Am I upset? Hell no! You see, I’m a part of a secret society of women who don’t measure the love of a man by his ability to buy an overpriced novelty greeting card to express his undying devotion to us and our various body parts. And while I DO love chocolate, it’s much more meaningful to receive an present like that for no reason at all.

We, the members of SSCW (Secret Society of Cool Women), measure the love of our men by what they do the OTHER 364 days of the year. If we look at the top of our secret list of wonderful things that men do to make us feel loved, we will see things like foot rubs and shoulder rubs, long walks on sunny beaches and #1 on the list is bringing us to comic conventions. No, I lied, it’s not that, I think it’s actually something to do with melted chocolate and latex, but we won’t get into that. The comic convention thing was in the top 10 though.

Now, I can see that some of you are shaking your head saying "Women like this don’t exist!" Well they do, I tell you; it’s just a secret, hence the secret society thing...

So, back to my first question, how many of you are in the "dog house"? If you are, you have no one to blame but yourself. You should have stood up and proclaimed your refusal to join in on such a commercial based holiday as soon as you started getting the hints of what "she" wanted for Valentine’s Day. That’s right! "Forget the 14th" you should have yelled, "I don’t need a special day to show my love for you!"

If the response you received ranged from the tapping of one foot while arms were crossed to the throwing of various household objects at your forehead region, then, the above plan might not work. This is definitely not a SSCW woman we’re dealing with here. This type of woman needs a Valentine’s Day gift, no matter the cost. (This is also the type of woman that asks if the pants she’s wearing makes her butt look big.)

Along with candy and flowers, it’s very common for a man to ask his woman to marry him on Valentine’s Day -- and what do you give a woman when you ask her to marry you? A ring. The other day, I heard a guy on the radio who obviously worked for some jewellery company, saying that it’s common to spend two months of your salary on an engagement ring. Two months?!?! Who decided THAT was a good idea? So, if you make $30,000 a year, divide that by 12, times that by 2, they would have you buying a ring for $5000. That’s just wrong.

Just for fun, go and read that last paragraph to your girlfriend. If she immediately asks you how much you make in a year, run from the house screaming.

On the other hand, if she says she doesn’t need a ring, ask her to marry you right then and there. You have found yourself a gem that doesn’t need a gem. (Aren’t I clever?)

Now what about the comic book idea? If you feel the need to purchase a gift for your honey on February 14th next year, a comic book will provide your girlfriend with years of entertainment as she can read it over and over again. And how about that two month salary idea? Ok, so instead of spending $5000 on a ring, you could spend it all on comics. At an average cover price of $3.00, you could buy her 1666 comics! WOW, now that’s LOVE! Or at cover price of $15.00, you could buy her 333 trade paperbacks. Holy cow Batman, we have a collection!

Of course, like I suggested earlier, who needs the 14th to express your love? You’ve heard the phrase, "treat every day like it will be your last". Those are words that you should print out and tape to your bathroom mirror or your fridge. They remind you that it only takes a moment for your life to be changed forever and that every chance you get, you should make sure that those you love feel loved.

Ah, Valentine’s Day. A day to celebrate romance for some. A day to laugh at those who celebrate romance one day a year for others.