Broken Frontier

If a comic book-based movie is going to be any good, then it all comes back to the original material.

And that’s one of the reasons why Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (FF:RotSS from here on out) may stand up to the test of time (if, in fact, any of the adaptations since Bryan Singer’s original X-Men film ultimately do so and that’s open to debate).

It is impossible to review FF:RotSS without lobbing around spoilers like the Blastaar lobs phlegm (from the edges of his amazingly toothy maw, if you really must know), so if you haven’t seen the movie, then get on over to the multiplex and plunk down the price of admission.

The second movie in the series and sequel to 2005’s Fantastic Four pays homage both to the original body of work created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, but more specifically cleaves to issues a set of early FF issues, wherein Dr. Doom steals the Silver Surfer’s powers so he can eliminate the Fantastic Four and finally rule the world.

The film pays homage to Lee and Kirby because it has more of the general look and feel of the original comics. The Baxter Building is very much a place humming with banks of complex machinery and flashing computer consoles, and Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) is the "go to guy" for government, science, and the military. Sue Storm (Jessica Alba) has backed off of the techie role she played in the first movie, focusing instead on the impending nuptials to Reed, made all the more believable by her overly exasperated reactions to their superhero lifestyle and his abject nerdiness. As for Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) and Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis) they just keep rollin’ along in their own private Idahos, though the writers thoughtfully wrote in a part for Ben’s gal pal Alicia Masters, played so curvaceously by Kerry Washington.

Only the appearance of a traveling anomaly capable of changing weather patterns, soaking up electricity, and punching spaceship-sized holes in the Earth’s crust puts any damper on the events. Feeling obligated to save the planet even as he’s getting set to tie the knot, Richards manages to cobble together a tracking antenna that will enable the annoyingly officious General Hager to track the anomaly. The film’s first act comes to a head the day of the wedding when the anomaly appears over Manhattan just as the shindig is getting started. The resulting melee reduces Sue’s wedding plans to shattered glass and tattered crepe.

Unfortunately, Reeds attempts to explain away the antenna as "something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue" falls upon deaf ears.

The rest of the movie pits the FF against the Silver Surfer, an alien preparing the Earth to be the main course for a ravenous space-born entity known as Galactus. Little do they know that the real enemy is already in their midst … one Victor von Doom (Julian McMahon), freshly healed from his pre-FF:RotSS injuries during a chilly encounter with the aforementioned Surfer.

The movie holds together fairly well, especially since it doesn’t have to fill in the backstory like the original did. In retrospect, however, there are some details added to give the plot some oompf that just don’t hold up very well. Why would such a massive and all consuming entity as Galactus need a herald to move in ahead of time and drill holes in the planets?

Wait … if you carry the film’s ridiculously aggressive product placement to illogical lengths (you did catch all of those Mexican beer bottles and insanely conspicuous Dodge Ram logos everywhere, didn’t you?) then you’d find the bearded face of This Old House star and Sears pitchman Bob Vila under the Silver Surfer’s shiny mug.

But it’s perhaps asking too much for this year’s consummate popcorn flick to provide consistency and logic.

Unlike movies based on Spider-Man, The Hulk, FF:RotSS finally sports a Stan Lee cameo that is worth watching. How comical is it when Stan, in an immaculate tux, is held up in the reception line at Reed and Sue’s penthouse wedding because he can’t produce the requisite invitation. ‘Nuff said!

Although it is a minor failing, one area where FF: RotSS disappoints is in the final transformation of Victor von Doom into the malevolent Dr. Doom. The film’s scribes make a singular point of showing Doom removing (and then preserving … hint hint) the metallic mask that was formed on the outside of his face as a part of the first film. Later, as part of his own silver-hued vision quest, Doom is seen in a hooded cloak, foreshadowing sartorial statements that will appear again in the last act of the film.

All of this makes it somewhat relevant when he again dons the mask and cloak just prior to seizing the Surfer’s board. At this point, the not-so-good Doctor is full on "Doom worthy," with the exception that there isn’t sufficient transformation from that point on.

This is, after all, a comic book villain.

This is, after all, a comic book villain who has suddenly hidden his features behind a mask (and we all know what kinds of Jackass-slyle exploits Halloween revelers are capable of at a costume party or masque ball, don’t we?).

Finally, this is, after all, a comic book villain in a mask who has just realized his wildest fantasy by stealing the cosmic powers of the herald of the mighty Galactus. You’d think he would be more hopped up than Jerry Bruckheimer at a Pirates premier and more arrogant than Simon Cowell slumming on the panel at your local high school talent show.

But no; von Doom continues on pretty much as … von Doom.

What was that? Insert Lockjaw yawning here.

And as was mentioned in the opening moments of the review, there is a fabulous comic book series to rip off … er, pinch the words from.

For instance, in the original comic The Thing, befuddled when confronted by the appearance of Doom riding the Surfer’s board, hears the verdant-cloaked bad guy utter, "You insufferable, unspeakable BLOT on the escutcheon of humanity …prepare to meet the fate you so sorely deserve!!"

Now that’s dialogue … with mustard on it!

Tepid dialogue and rampant product placements aside, FF:RotSS is the filmic equivalent of a page turner. It moves along at a pace that defies boredom and even managed to wrangle a teensie tear at the end when you suffer with Richards the apparent loss of his extremely, amazingly, wondrously attractive fiancé at the hands of Doom.

Again borrowing from the best that comics has to offer, reports of Sue’s death are thankfully overrated, and everyone (except for General Hager; another FF picture is definitely not in his future) lives to fight another day.

And that’s good.