PRIDE MONTH 2025! Our Inside Look feature at Broken Frontier provides creators with the opportunity to share exclusive commentaries on their comics projects with our readers, giving insights into the genesis, process and themes of their work. It’s one of the oldest regular features at BF, first appearing on the site back in the mid-2000s and also one of our most well-received. Today, as part of our Pride Month 2025 celebrations, A. Mauri talks about How to Love Yourself…
I began working for FilthyFigments.com around 2013. The US-based indie comics site began as a female gaze erotic comics online publisher to fulfill the the deficit left by a primarily white male-focused medium at the time – but since then the site has broadened its catalogue to POC, kink and/or fetish, physically disabled, neurodivergent, and trans-representing content and creators.
As a Genderfluid/Demisexual Ace at the time of my first soiree into adult comics, I had the understanding of human anatomy under my belt, but the finite details and challenges of posing two characters tangled together was a true gauntlet. I sought help from Scarleteen and unconventional sex ed books from buddies for things such as accurate portrayals of anal sex to make my first gay story as accurate and educational as possible. ‘Last night with my Friend’ was about a pair of boys realizing their feelings for each other right before they leave for college and their stumbling over their own sexuality along the way.
I took the chance to interview my gay friends and try to make a more authentic story than the BL of the 90s and early 2000s that always had one character that was heavily female-coded. I wanted gay boys and trans boys who read the story to understand that any way they they were – they were allowed to be that way. They did not have to pass for some ideal established by gay, queer, or mainstream society. And to show them many ways of being. I struggled to create something different from the gay media of the time that favored a certain type of man and not necessarily all the gender identities and expressions in between. Doing my damndest to sidestep toxic male masculinity traits on all sides and favoring characters like the queer friends of my art schools who were free to represent as their authentic selves without mainstream culture forcing them to either gender binary or queer ideals of ‘passing’.
Little did I know I was already writing stories for Neurodivergent Queers by trying to be this honest and observant.
I continued to search for tropes to defy in the next comics I created for Filthy Figments after that initial story. Playing with a power dynamic-flipping kitsune in ‘Shamisen’, following curmudgeonly (and homoeroticallly repressed) Navajo and Hopi gods through the southwest desert of the US in ‘It’ll do’, writing a little love letter to Toronto, featuring a love interest with a hearing disability and spotlighting a neurodivergent heroine in my lesbian story ‘In Waves’…
Until I was about to graduate my second bout of postgrad school in 2016 and I realized… the site did not have many self-love or masturbation stories…yet. And I also had the overwhelming urge to go against the trope of “virgin finally gets laid.” Empowering those of living the single life everywhere and defying the social ‘norms’ established to only bring shame if you do, and shame if you don’t.
I did not realize at the time that I would end up creating a comic that many AFABs would particularly appreciate and relate to all over the world.
So, I pitched what would be an autobio of my own experiences in overcoming mental blocks that prevented me from exploring my own body. (And as an undiagnosed Audhd at the time, I later found that many with autism and ADHD suffered these same trials and tribulations due to social disabilities.)
Our submissions always begin with a pitch and character images. The pitch is usually a synopsis, logline, and loose outline that includes the specific sex acts that will be involved. (Sadly censorship is rampant in the US so there are some things we can’t publish due to our credit card processor.) After the ‘all clear’, we then move on to writing out the comic script, in the regular format of panels per page, their image descriptions and dialogue.
I prefer to have my scripts all laid out, since even after finishing school, I still have multiple projects I will be juggling. So, not having to decide how many panels will be on a page from a loose outline really saves me time and energy.
While writing out this script, though, I found that the story was still a bit too close to home for my comfort levels at that time. So, instead of pulling back from an honest to goodness story, I instead designed a protagonist that was not me… and then made a joke in the comic about the protagonist wanting to *be* me (or the ‘me’ I hoped to become, someday)..
This little bit of a mask did help in the end and I was able to authentically tell of my experiences and even find myself enjoying sharing them in their entirety for the benefit of others.
A little homesick, I decided to use an actual coffee shop I frequented many times as a post-grad back in my hometown. And the girl behind the counter was actually my mentor during these trying times. There are almost verbatim conversations depicted with my friend and ‘free love’ mentor, and the comic also includes my own hopes, dreams, and frustrations, as well. It was interesting to be graduating from my second bout of school- and looking back at that me that was that existed during the recession when I was in the States.
As mentioned: while creating this comic in 2016 I was studying in Toronto, CAN. And trying to immigrate via the continuing education program, so the page techniques I used to save time between homework projects were fully digital. And the art style was one I developed for 24hr comic events. A sort of messy brush, graphic black spotting and simplified figures and expressions. Simple light grey and dark grey tones to swiftly compose and gift mood to the images.
Even though I was short on time, I still had fun with the day dream sequences and made those a bit more detailed for sexual appeal. Some highlights added to breath life into the forms, or really pushing the tones to emphasize the otherworldliness of these ideal images.
In the end, it did feel good to explore my full experience. This was the first comic where I honestly began to come forward and share my own life experiences in the comic medium, instead of attempts at tongue in cheek and self deprecating auto-bio comics of the 90s and 2000s. To instead approach my experiences with a bit more compassion and understanding. It would take another decade to finally be more gentle with myself, but for this project, I am pleased to look back and see a softer hand towards myself and my life situation at the time. Perhaps I was aware I was going to be addressing other people in the same situation, and I held on to my initial goal to bring them comfort and confidence. I even left some of my yet undiagnosed dyslexia in the chat messages between our protagonist and ‘JJ’ (Who was a mix between my own voice and the voice of a friend.) Without even realizing I was cradling that disability before I even knew I had it.
Speaking of which, now that I know the fonts that are conducive to my dyslexia I have had the confidence to move into writing prose for light novels! It’s been great to have another medium to share my stories within.
As a comic for older virgins, I wanted the story to end on a self-loving note and not on the typical trope of “And then they found a partner and lived happily ever after!” Though, that comes later in life for everyone, and despite anyone’s circumstances, I wanted the reader to feel affirmed in this comic that they could be comfortable alone or with a partner, and to be seen! I wanted to let people know that they did not need to go rushing into unhappy relationships or remain in them just because mainstream society seems to think it’s ‘pitiful’ to use sex toys or explore your own body without a partner. Or that a partner was mandatory to enjoying even these things.
This year (2025) when I mentioned the premise of this comic to my subscribers, they were simply excited to be heard in particular for the lack sex education across the world – they related to the struggle of overcoming the guilt piled upon them (from religious or cultural influences) for exploring their bodies during puberty.
So, with fresh eyes, I have finally gotten “How to love yourself” prepressed and available for more people to enjoy! (If you are 18 years of age or older) You can purchase “How to Love yourself” here!
https://la-engine.itch.io/how-to-love-yourself
To see what I am currently creating, drop by my BlueSky:
https://bsky.app/profile/amradio.bsky.social
Article by A. Mauri
